My new self

I've been getting a lot of catalogues lately and have decided to acquire a new self.

Self:  Meet new self.

New Self.
I am a vibrant and interesting person who utilizes her time and abilities to the fullest.
After a long varied career in obfuscation, meta-explication and reformulation tabulation computing and electronics, I have designed my new career as a consultant around my many innovative studies into the art of the foible. It's ground breaking work and I have to run to keep up with the demand for my seminars and requests for my mini moments of presence.

Although my schedule is packed, I have, with the help of my new swell phone managed these multiple tasks with élan. So vital is my swell phone that I have had it implanted in my wrist so I need never be out of touch....as if I ever were!

Fitting everything into my day is easy with swell phone. I simply tell it I'm needed, say in Cape Town tomorrow and it instantly makes all the arrangements. All I have to do is stand up. My swell phone bathers me, dresses me, packs my purse and walks me out to the curb to the cab. It even curves time so I arrive precisely at 10:00AM local time unmussed and unfussed.

All the information about my audience is contained in my morning orange juice which I drink in bed.
Swell phone again. I am keyed in to the individual propensities of every person in the room. Did you know the whole human race picks it's nose? A Universal Trait ! The varieties of folding toilet paper are highly varied however....and I know how each and every person does it. Thanks Swell Phone.

I take three whole days a week for myself. I'm greedy, I know it, I do hope my audience understands the need for "me time."

On those days I greet my two sweetie poos at the door. Skippy and Groovie are matching Great Danes thoughtfully provided by my adorable little girl Maggie. Along with my two rescue dogs they make the day an active one!

Thanks to modern science and Swell Phone I have conquered all my "bad" habits. I no longer eat.
I run 60 miles a day and do weights for at least 4 hours every day. I have no wrinkles, thick hair and excellent taste in clothes. I would be happy to tell you all about my new self and to explain how you too can exorcise any foible that may make you a bad bet on the health exchange.