I think I figured it out. I have been allergic to nuts since forever but have not found it a big problem. If people serve nuts I simply don't eat them. I just pick them out or avoid a dish that is filled with them. This is all helped by the fact that I won't die of nuts...well unless I really try and eat myself into a full blown anaphylactic episode. Generally the worst that can happen is a good case of hives.
Nowadays people are seriously allergic or they are seriously avoiding all sorts of foods and they are determined to keep themselves alive or pure. This means that one may be faced with guests who are avoiding meat and diary, wheat, and anything that ever drew breath, had a shell or needed sunlight. I am so proud to have a means to supply almost all of them.
I can't accommodate folk with allergies to dogs, dust and other people but I can feed lots of the others and this makes me really happy.
Here's the trick.
Instead of trying to make a vegan meal, which isn't really hard at all,( I have had guests who couldn't eat "vegan,") I have come to the conclusion that it's better to simply provide food.
I buy a raw veggie tray from the supermarket. I leave the dressing in the middle in case someone wants it.
I buy nuts.
I buy dried fruit-the kind that is considered the most natural.
I buy mixed olives-the most expensive I can find.
I buy fresh mixed fruit,
I buy wasabi peas-some people can't eat soy so expect to have some left over.
I buy soy milk and almond milk.
I buy stevia sweetener.
I buy natural coffee and untreated coffee filters.
I have herbal teas. (So far no one's been allergic to rooibos)
I buy filtered water which I keep in the store bottle so the contents can be inspected.
I buy lettuce leaves. I avoid the "living lettuce" offered in the supermarket but I make sure to get organic lettuce and run it by my guests.
I decant everything into pretty bowls and scatter them around the table.
My guests are happy and so am I.
I also provide the guests who aren't avoiding "regular" food anything I think I can cook well.
PS. I NEVER say that a person of a different dietary persuasion can't bring a dish for the table. Many such persons are excellent cooks and I may enjoy their food. If someone wants to just bring her own food, that's fine too.
The Road to Zimbabwe - memories of travel & romamce by John & Nancy Blignaut
Finally! Here is how to order the book.Go to www.lulu.com and type 'The Road to Zimbabwe' into the search bar on that page. When you see the book you can hit 'Preview' to see the first few pages. The alternative way to go to the book is to copy this URL into your browser: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-road-to-zimbabwe/9760834
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
in case you didn't notice...
Bert is right: Any fiscal problem will be revealed and exacerbated by the following behaviors:
Buying a big boat
Getting a new wife or mistress
Putting your affection into writing. Writing on paper may be quite safe but avoid e mail and texting.
I'd add that one should be a tad concerned when one's biographer has a ghost writer.
Generals should take note.
I taught in the ROTC building in a university. The kibblets, baby generals all, were very clear about the UCMJ. (It's military law and it really frowns on adultery.) Surely they mentioned this at West Point.
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Daddy said that the Irish problems were caused by their intake of booze. "Get drunk and shoot people" was his description. (The old man was Irish)
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I can't figure what causes the problems in Israel. The Palestinians bomb Israel ceaselessly, admit it and then announce that the Israelis caused the current ruckus.Both sides make shameless use of the death of the children they've killed.
Hamas just topped the Israelis. A member of Hamas and the Egyptian gov't. dipped their hands in a dead child's blood and came out of the hospital for a photo op., or maybe they held the press event in hospital... It wasn't clear. (Tell me, has Egypt let any number of Palestinians into their country of late?
Did I miss something? Having started the war against the interlopers in 1948 have the Egyptians finally welcomed their brothers in arms into their land? Or are they still operating the lucrative contracts-complete with kickbacks to the Israelis- on tunnels under the "check points?")
I blame God. More specifically I blame Abraham for being too literal about God's promise" children as numerous as the stars"oh yeah. If he'd kept himself to himself there'd have only been Israel maybe.....but NOOOOOOOOO, he was male so he sent poor Hagar off into the desert to make a life for herself and her son who was his eldest son too. Idiot. Israel and Palestine might have staggered on in some peace if they weren't brothers. Unfortunately the worst fights are between brothers...and the Arab Muslims and the Jews both resemble great grandpa all too much.
What kind of person sends a woman and child off into a desert? I'll answer. A man with a jealous wife and a very cross mistress or second wife, that kind of person. He ensures that his children will inherit his wife's jealousy, his mistress's anger and his own idiocy.
It occurs to me that MALE MENOPAUSE is a much bigger problem than society has chosen to notice.
Perhaps doctors could specialize. Maybe men could write books. Seminars, speaking engagements, MM groups, MM clinics.... The financial possibilities are endless.
Buying a big boat
Getting a new wife or mistress
Putting your affection into writing. Writing on paper may be quite safe but avoid e mail and texting.
I'd add that one should be a tad concerned when one's biographer has a ghost writer.
Generals should take note.
I taught in the ROTC building in a university. The kibblets, baby generals all, were very clear about the UCMJ. (It's military law and it really frowns on adultery.) Surely they mentioned this at West Point.
********************************************************************************
Daddy said that the Irish problems were caused by their intake of booze. "Get drunk and shoot people" was his description. (The old man was Irish)
********************************************************************************
I can't figure what causes the problems in Israel. The Palestinians bomb Israel ceaselessly, admit it and then announce that the Israelis caused the current ruckus.Both sides make shameless use of the death of the children they've killed.
Hamas just topped the Israelis. A member of Hamas and the Egyptian gov't. dipped their hands in a dead child's blood and came out of the hospital for a photo op., or maybe they held the press event in hospital... It wasn't clear. (Tell me, has Egypt let any number of Palestinians into their country of late?
Did I miss something? Having started the war against the interlopers in 1948 have the Egyptians finally welcomed their brothers in arms into their land? Or are they still operating the lucrative contracts-complete with kickbacks to the Israelis- on tunnels under the "check points?")
I blame God. More specifically I blame Abraham for being too literal about God's promise" children as numerous as the stars"oh yeah. If he'd kept himself to himself there'd have only been Israel maybe.....but NOOOOOOOOO, he was male so he sent poor Hagar off into the desert to make a life for herself and her son who was his eldest son too. Idiot. Israel and Palestine might have staggered on in some peace if they weren't brothers. Unfortunately the worst fights are between brothers...and the Arab Muslims and the Jews both resemble great grandpa all too much.
What kind of person sends a woman and child off into a desert? I'll answer. A man with a jealous wife and a very cross mistress or second wife, that kind of person. He ensures that his children will inherit his wife's jealousy, his mistress's anger and his own idiocy.
It occurs to me that MALE MENOPAUSE is a much bigger problem than society has chosen to notice.
Perhaps doctors could specialize. Maybe men could write books. Seminars, speaking engagements, MM groups, MM clinics.... The financial possibilities are endless.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Requiem
Ebert Mouse is dead. His body was properly disposed of yesterday. No kin were present and the household did not invite friends. Ebert's passage into the next life seems to have been peaceful.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Poor, pathetic,wife-or my life as a kennel woman
Before night opens its bleary eye I stock the microwave with filled dog dishes. I put two of the four dishes down and check the water...again. Mickey and Winnie sniff their food to test the ratio of kibble to cheese gratings. If I pass, they eat. I grab their bowls and dump them into the sink.
The door opens and the Great Danes invade. Who'd think Danes invade? I remember that the Danes were once famous for sailing about and pillaging. No doubt the Germans who bred these dogs had a reason for calling them Danes. The Danes floated down the Volga or some such river and slaughtered the inhabitants. That's where we get Kiev. (and no, I'm not going to look it up-something like that happened and the only other river around Russia I remember is the Don. The Don river sprouted Cassocks and yes I know Germany isn't Russia. Tell it to the Germans)
Marguerite does her usual twink out of existence, supposedly to attend to hospitalized children but I suspect she goes to loll around some coffee hell with other people who've conned their loving Mothers into abject slavery. OK I can't PROVE it.
The big dogs find their place on the couches and chair and watch to see if I will serve them straightaway. On some days they fall asleep and I wriggle into a small place on the furniture and pass out.
You may wonder why I put their food in the microwave. There's EbertMouse of course, who I hope has died from starvation as a lonely bachelor. Then there's the Danes. Generally Danes are considered useless. Generally this is a correct opinion . After all, what idiot would cross a diluted mastiff with a greyhound and expect the result to guard the grounds. (See the Germans). When it turned out that Great Danes were useless, the Germans concocted a charming legend claiming these dogs keep out evil spirits. I suspect said Germans had had considerable liquid spirits when they came up with this advertisement. I can see that first German breeder looking over his Great Dane estate, weeping into his spirits and having an "ah hah!" moment. (I'm only grateful he didn't write a memoir filled with notes on business success. I HATE all business improvement books)
So. Read any Great Dane manual (see German advertisement). Under the verbiage you will find assurance that although these are really, really, really big dogs, they're useless and make wonderful pets. Great Danes score in the lowest quatrile of the canine IQ test.
As usual, the ubiquitous "they" lie. OR my daughter happened to light on the one GD breeder who managed to get some brains into those thick GD skulls.
Her GD's scent. I mean it. They scent the air up high and low. They can find food anywhere, no matter how concealed. They are also big and this lot is good with it's paws. Granted Grover will batter away at any locked heavy plastic box or dog food, but he will also pull up the corners. It's a matter of time before he pulls down the locking piece. His uncle already worked out the closure on another locked bin of food. I am suspending that box from the ceiling.
The door opens and the Great Danes invade. Who'd think Danes invade? I remember that the Danes were once famous for sailing about and pillaging. No doubt the Germans who bred these dogs had a reason for calling them Danes. The Danes floated down the Volga or some such river and slaughtered the inhabitants. That's where we get Kiev. (and no, I'm not going to look it up-something like that happened and the only other river around Russia I remember is the Don. The Don river sprouted Cassocks and yes I know Germany isn't Russia. Tell it to the Germans)
Marguerite does her usual twink out of existence, supposedly to attend to hospitalized children but I suspect she goes to loll around some coffee hell with other people who've conned their loving Mothers into abject slavery. OK I can't PROVE it.
The big dogs find their place on the couches and chair and watch to see if I will serve them straightaway. On some days they fall asleep and I wriggle into a small place on the furniture and pass out.
You may wonder why I put their food in the microwave. There's EbertMouse of course, who I hope has died from starvation as a lonely bachelor. Then there's the Danes. Generally Danes are considered useless. Generally this is a correct opinion . After all, what idiot would cross a diluted mastiff with a greyhound and expect the result to guard the grounds. (See the Germans). When it turned out that Great Danes were useless, the Germans concocted a charming legend claiming these dogs keep out evil spirits. I suspect said Germans had had considerable liquid spirits when they came up with this advertisement. I can see that first German breeder looking over his Great Dane estate, weeping into his spirits and having an "ah hah!" moment. (I'm only grateful he didn't write a memoir filled with notes on business success. I HATE all business improvement books)
So. Read any Great Dane manual (see German advertisement). Under the verbiage you will find assurance that although these are really, really, really big dogs, they're useless and make wonderful pets. Great Danes score in the lowest quatrile of the canine IQ test.
As usual, the ubiquitous "they" lie. OR my daughter happened to light on the one GD breeder who managed to get some brains into those thick GD skulls.
Her GD's scent. I mean it. They scent the air up high and low. They can find food anywhere, no matter how concealed. They are also big and this lot is good with it's paws. Granted Grover will batter away at any locked heavy plastic box or dog food, but he will also pull up the corners. It's a matter of time before he pulls down the locking piece. His uncle already worked out the closure on another locked bin of food. I am suspending that box from the ceiling.
Monday, November 12, 2012
What followed
I phoned poison control for dogs and immediately found I was to pour hydrogen peroxide down doggie throats. According to Marguerite, who arrived in time to join the party, I said on the phone "Oh, the brown dog, uh, she's a bitch and she weighs....um 50 pounds and Mickey, he's the little one and he has diabetes. Er...I give him ten units twice a day. What does he weigh? Well, less than Winnie or the puppy...only the puppy's the youngest of the Great Dane puppies and he weighs a lot more than Mickey. He's a boy dog. So's the Great Dane only we got him fixed. The puppy's too young..."
Marguerite thinks I'm a disgrace, but she started in with the hydrogen peroxide like the pro she is. Mickey refused to disgorge and the nice people on the phone told us to run him around. We were six in the kitchen, three people, three dogs.( Our guest had been withdrawing all night, and who could blame her?) There was damn little room to run a dog around. Earlier we'd put the puppy in a big plastic bin until it'd dawned on us that the vomit would go outside the container. John had gone for absorbent newspaper only to find that newspapers are now a compendium of adverts all of which are printed on glossy paper.
John was running Mickey up and down. Marguerite simply shook him.
Total damage: two brown lumps from Mickey, a forlorn scrape of red foil from Grover, from Winnie-a chocolate fountain.
Back on the phone"Sure, we'll take them to the emergency vet, sure, we're leaving now."
Total damage, dogs all well. We're hoping that the bank will give us a fifth mortgage on the house.
(Emergency vets make out like bandits-rather, -like corporate CEOs)
Marguerite thinks I'm a disgrace, but she started in with the hydrogen peroxide like the pro she is. Mickey refused to disgorge and the nice people on the phone told us to run him around. We were six in the kitchen, three people, three dogs.( Our guest had been withdrawing all night, and who could blame her?) There was damn little room to run a dog around. Earlier we'd put the puppy in a big plastic bin until it'd dawned on us that the vomit would go outside the container. John had gone for absorbent newspaper only to find that newspapers are now a compendium of adverts all of which are printed on glossy paper.
John was running Mickey up and down. Marguerite simply shook him.
Total damage: two brown lumps from Mickey, a forlorn scrape of red foil from Grover, from Winnie-a chocolate fountain.
Back on the phone"Sure, we'll take them to the emergency vet, sure, we're leaving now."
Total damage, dogs all well. We're hoping that the bank will give us a fifth mortgage on the house.
(Emergency vets make out like bandits-rather, -like corporate CEOs)
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Woman at home without Great Danes
John is in the kitchen on his computer. He says he's doing his e mail but when I went in a bit ago he was eyeing sweaters in a catalogue. He'd best watch it or I'll buy him one.
It occurs to me that I forgot to mention the acquisition of the second Great Dane. I wandered off to South Africa where my ability to fit into small spaces in cars is sincerely appreciated- blissfully unaware that my daughter was on the road to the dog breeder.
When I arrived home I found not one mantle Great Dane "puppy" but two.
She got another one. This one is called Grover and he's trouble. It's not just that he's younger than Skype, it's his rakish air. One ear seems permanently situated above the other. It's always cocked. He grins, leaps and lopes about the house in search of mischief. He finds it.
Winnie is quite taken with him and has reverted to her old ways. I came home one day to find an empty wrapper. When I left this once full container of chocolates was hidden behind a small fortress of books. Naturally John noticed nothing. He didn't see Winnie slinking around, belly close to the ground, Mickey looking guilty as hell or Grover's glazed over eyes.
What followed wasn't pretty.
It occurs to me that I forgot to mention the acquisition of the second Great Dane. I wandered off to South Africa where my ability to fit into small spaces in cars is sincerely appreciated- blissfully unaware that my daughter was on the road to the dog breeder.
When I arrived home I found not one mantle Great Dane "puppy" but two.
She got another one. This one is called Grover and he's trouble. It's not just that he's younger than Skype, it's his rakish air. One ear seems permanently situated above the other. It's always cocked. He grins, leaps and lopes about the house in search of mischief. He finds it.
Winnie is quite taken with him and has reverted to her old ways. I came home one day to find an empty wrapper. When I left this once full container of chocolates was hidden behind a small fortress of books. Naturally John noticed nothing. He didn't see Winnie slinking around, belly close to the ground, Mickey looking guilty as hell or Grover's glazed over eyes.
What followed wasn't pretty.
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