Poor, pathetic,wife-or my life as a kennel woman

Before night opens its bleary eye I stock the microwave with filled dog dishes. I put two of the four dishes down and check the water...again. Mickey and Winnie sniff their food to test the ratio of kibble to cheese gratings. If I pass, they eat. I grab their bowls and dump them into the sink.

The door opens and the Great Danes invade. Who'd think Danes invade? I remember that the Danes were once famous for sailing about and pillaging. No doubt the Germans who bred these dogs had a reason for calling them Danes. The Danes floated down the Volga or some such river and slaughtered the inhabitants. That's where we get Kiev. (and no, I'm not going to look it up-something like that happened and the only other river around Russia I remember is the Don. The Don river sprouted Cassocks and yes I know Germany isn't Russia. Tell it to the Germans)

Marguerite does her usual twink out of existence, supposedly to attend to hospitalized children but I suspect she goes to loll around some coffee hell with other people who've conned their loving Mothers into abject slavery. OK I can't PROVE it.

The big dogs find their place on the couches and chair and watch to see if I will serve them straightaway. On some days they fall asleep and I wriggle into a small place on the furniture and pass out.

You may wonder why I put their food in the microwave. There's EbertMouse of course, who I hope has died from starvation as a lonely bachelor. Then there's the Danes. Generally Danes are considered useless. Generally this is a correct opinion . After all, what idiot would cross a diluted mastiff with a greyhound and expect the result to guard the grounds. (See the Germans). When it turned out that Great Danes were useless, the Germans concocted a charming legend claiming these dogs keep out evil spirits. I suspect said Germans had had considerable liquid spirits when they came up with this advertisement. I can see that first German breeder looking over his Great Dane estate, weeping into his spirits and having an "ah hah!" moment. (I'm only grateful he didn't write a memoir filled with notes on business success. I HATE all business improvement books)

So. Read any Great Dane manual (see German advertisement). Under the verbiage you will find assurance that although these are really, really, really big dogs, they're useless and make wonderful pets. Great Danes score in the lowest quatrile  of the canine IQ test.

As usual, the ubiquitous "they" lie. OR my daughter happened to light on the one GD breeder who managed to get some brains into those thick GD skulls.

Her GD's scent. I mean it. They scent the air up high and  low. They can find food anywhere, no matter how concealed. They are also big and this lot is good with it's paws. Granted Grover will batter away at any locked heavy plastic box or dog food, but he will also pull up the corners. It's a matter of time before he pulls down the locking piece. His uncle already worked out the closure on another locked bin of food. I am suspending that box from the ceiling.