Service SECRET

Dear Secret Service People,

I know your leader has made it plain that prostitutes, strippers and alcohol are big no-no's. I'm happy he thought to tell you and I do hope your wives will happy too. As a mother, I think there are some other pitfalls you should avoid .

Always wear clean underwear. Remember not to strip down to it in Rio. Although it may be Mardi Gras, pictures of you cavorting in disarray might give the President pause.

Carry your passport. Try not to have to show it at the local cop shop. The Embassy will not thank you for having to dispatch a flunkey to bail you out.

Smoking dope will stunt your growth and stall your career. You will not advance in the ranks.

Avoid gambling in public places. What goes on in Las Vegas will not stay in Las Vegas now that the press is aware of your new found reputation.

Don't spit. It's unsanitary.

Don't play with your gun. It's undignified.

Don't talk into your chest when there are no ear plugs visible. People will think you are odd.

Take the sunglasses off after dark. No one cares about your image when he knows you can't see.

Think about safety as in the President's...not as in safe sex.

As hard as it is, keep it zipped.  Evolution provided you with a big visible head with which to think. The little one is just a pisser when you are on duty.